It’s not uncommon for people to make bold and unexpected changes to their appearance as they age. From experimenting with different fashion choices to embracing unconventional hairstyles, aging can be a time of newfound freedom for self-expression. One such example is an older adult who starts dyeing their hair a vibrant, attention-grabbing color, such as bright pink, as a way to feel youthful, energetic, and confident.
While the idea of older adults embracing unconventional styles might seem strange or uncomfortable to some, it’s important to recognize that for many, these choices are empowering. Age does not necessarily mean fading into the background or adhering to conventional norms. Instead, it can be an opportunity to express a renewed sense of self or try something fun and different.
However, for the children or loved ones of older adults making these bold choices, it can sometimes be difficult to reconcile this new self-expression with the image they’ve always had of their parent or relative. This tension often arises from cultural expectations of what aging should look like and a desire to protect loved ones from potential judgment or ridicule from others. But the core question is: should we be more concerned with how others perceive our loved ones, or with letting them enjoy their choices in the way that makes them happiest?
The Story Behind:
When my mom turned 70, she made a decision that caught me completely off guard. After years of modest, natural hair colors, she started dyeing her hair bright pink. At first, I thought it was a joke—just a temporary phase or maybe some quirky adventure she was having. But when it stuck, I found myself feeling uncomfortable every time I saw her. I would look at her and think, “Is this really her?” I couldn’t help but cringe, wondering what others must think when they see an elderly woman with such an outlandish hair color.
I tried gently suggesting that maybe she should tone it down a bit, that the pink didn’t really suit her. I said it in a loving way, hoping she’d understand, but she just laughed it off. She told me it made her feel young, vibrant, and full of life. To her, the bright pink hair was a symbol of her defiance against aging and the constraints society often places on older adults. She didn’t want to be invisible or conform to the stereotypical image of what a senior woman “should” look like.
Despite her joyful, carefree attitude, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was making a mistake. What would others think? Would they judge her or laugh behind her back? More than once, I found myself feeling embarrassed by her choice, not because I didn’t love her, but because I was worried about how others would perceive her. After all, in our society, older people are often expected to “age gracefully”—which somehow doesn’t seem to include bright pink hair.
But as time passed, I began to realize that my discomfort had more to do with my own insecurities than anything else. It wasn’t really about her hair color—it was about my fears of what others might think of her, or of me, for letting her express herself in such a bold way. And yet, she seemed so happy. In fact, she had never looked more confident or alive.
This situation forced me to reflect on what really matters. Should I be more concerned with what I think or should I support her in her choices, especially since they bring her joy? The more I thought about it, the more I understood that her decision to dye her hair pink was her way of reclaiming her autonomy and celebrating life. It was her choice to make, and my role was to support her, even if it made me uncomfortable at first.
I realized that sometimes, the real challenge isn’t about trying to change someone’s appearance, but about accepting them as they are—even when it’s different from what we expect or are used to. So, I decided to let go of my judgments and accept that my mom was allowed to make bold choices, even if those choices didn’t fit neatly into my idea of what “age-appropriate” should look like.
In the end, it wasn’t about the pink hair at all. It was about my mom embracing life on her own terms. And if she felt that the bright pink color made her feel young and vibrant, who was I to tell her otherwise?
Moral of the Story:
We often think we know what’s best for our loved ones, especially when it comes to things like their appearance. But sometimes, the best thing we can do is support their decisions, even if they seem unconventional or out of the ordinary. Aging is a personal journey, and for many people, it’s a time to break free from societal expectations and embrace who they truly are. What may seem ridiculous or inappropriate to us might be someone else’s way of reclaiming their confidence and joy.