An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.
As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man’s cane slips on the floor and he falls down.
As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says,
“If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn’t slip.”
The old man snaps back, “Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today!”
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Big Accident
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold.
A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him.
He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.
Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so.
He said, a bit sheepishly, “I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of this huge, flashing sign. Turns out I was in a petrol station and somebody was standing in front of the ‘S’ on the ‘Shell’ sign.”
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Monkey Accident
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. “Well, did you see this?”
“Yes,” motioned the monkey. “What happened?” The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
“They were drinking?” asked the officer. “Yes.”
“What else?” The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. “They were smoking marijuana?”
“Yes.” “Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked.”
“Yes.” “What were you doing during all this?”
“Driving” motioned the monkey.