A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges when she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.
At 11:30 am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her,
“What time did you get in last night?”
“Not too late, Dad,” she replied nervously.
Dead-pan, her father said,
“Then I’ll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front wheel of the car.”
————————————
A priest is told by the bishop he is being moved to a new parish…
The priest tells the congregation the news and after the service a woman comes up to him crying:
“This is terrible news father, just terrible. You can’t leave us. Refuse the move, tell the bishop to find someone else for the other church.”
The priest puts his arm on the woman’s shoulder and says
“I realize this is difficult news for you Mrs. Johnson, but who knows? Maybe the next priest for this parish will be even better than me.”
“Oh sure,”
Mrs. Johnson says in hysterics.
“That’s what they told us the last time!”