12 Hurtful Things You And Your Partner Should Never Say To Each Other
1. What have you ever done for me?
We tend to overlook the efforts and sacrifices others make for us. We only see our version of the relationship and tend to only base our perceptions and opinions on those. When you’re arguing about your partner’s contributions to the relationship, it’s natural for them to think, “My partner makes me feel like a bad person.”
2. You just ruined my day
People in successful marriages/relationships understand that their partner is not responsible for their personal mistakes. No matter how bad a day you have had, you should never tell them that they are the cause of bad external or internal events. You may be facing some pressure at work or have a long day dealing with some family troubles. However, it does not give you the opportunity to attack your partner.
3. Look at them and look at us
“I hate my relationship but I can’t leave him/her. I wish we had what you and your lover have” – You can always confide in a friend and share your relationship problems. But you shouldn’t throw something hurtful in your partner’s face. Every relationship is different. There’s no need to fall into the comparison trap; that can be the most hurtful thing to say to a man or woman.
4. Why do you always embarrass me?
Such a thing happens when both partners come from different backgrounds. Your partner tries to meet your relationship expectations, but always falls short of one thing or another. Instead of appreciating your partner’s efforts to fit into your world, you blame them for trying to shame you. Instead of introspection about how you haven’t learned enough about your partner and their struggles, you cling to a classist or ableist mentality.
Like when your husband says hurtful things when he’s embarrassed by your lack of table manners at a party, or when your wife makes fun of your outfit on a night out. Regardless of who this insult comes from, you or your partner, the problem is that you don’t think the other person is capable enough to match your level of awareness.
5. Your job is not as important as mine
“My husband treats me with contempt,” says Melanie, a 28-year-old kindergarten teacher from Brooklyn. “He constantly reminded me how insignificant my job was,” she added. Anyone can do what I do but as an investment banker, he is better. Even worse, my husband teased me when I cried. I hate my relationship but I can’t leave because of my son.”
What should you do when your husband belittles you? Melanie’s story is the story of many households where one person is the homemaker or does not earn as much as the other (regardless of gender). Every hurtful word spoken has consequences, and belittling your partner will only make them lose respect for you. Regardless of whose job is more demanding, a job is still a job and everyone takes pride in doing what they do. Unless you respect that, this can create permanent damage in the relationship that is difficult to repair.
6. You are my biggest mistake
This is another example of dismissive comments. Our reader Andrew wrote to us: “My boyfriend always tells me to leave when we fight. Being drunk and saying hurtful things are among his many red flags. When he sobered up, he apologized and made amends. Should I try to finish this job or walk away, like he told me?” Well, Andrew, you know, we all have relationship doubts at some point, but it’s usually a phase. We discuss them openly and gently with each other.
7. Why don’t you try to be like him or her?
What shouldn’t you say in an argument? A hurtful comment will judge your partner for who they are. The moment you tell them to be like someone they’re not, it hurts them a lot. They may not tell you how much it affects them, but in reality, it affects their image, ego, and self-esteem.
8. It’s your fault
No matter how hurtful it is, it’s still one of the most common things people say in a romantic relationship. Many times, one of the partners ruins things and you get stuck in a vicious cycle of blame. Even if they have made a mistake, there are other ways to let them know how to avoid the mistake and talk calmly instead of playing the blame game.
Your partner probably didn’t mean to make a mistake, and your hurtful words will only make things worse. If it’s the opposite, it’s better to admit your error wherever you did wrong. Always telling the other person “It’s your fault” will make them even more resentful.
9. I want to break up/divorce
This is the most hurtful thing to say to a man or woman you have loved for many years. In a relationship/marriage, it’s not all roses. There will be times when you disagree and you want to get out. At this point, your frustrated self will start acting out and saying things that you didn’t even mean to say. Every time things don’t go your way, you may wish for a divorce/break up.
10. You are so selfish
There will be times when you feel like the relationship is not what you want. If your partner is not meeting your expectations, there may be many explanations behind their actions. Are you making unreasonable demands? Is your partner at such a stage in their life where they need to prioritize their happiness? Think before you blurt the ‘s’ word.
11. I miss my ex
Does your girlfriend keep bringing up past relationships because she still can’t get over a certain ex? Sometimes it’s hard for most people to move on after a breakup, but this is no way to treat your current partner. You can be frank with your partner. That doesn’t mean you should constantly share your feelings about your ex.
You need to understand that there are some things you need to keep to yourself (or tell those close to you), otherwise, you will hurt your partner. Mentioning your ex and saying nice things about them is okay, but doing this when you compare them to your partner is the most hurtful. Saying that you miss your ex often will make your partner feel rehabilitated and they will start to feel inferior to that person.
12. I don’t love you anymore
“I don’t love you anymore” – Sounds like a final nail in the coffin, doesn’t it? When your spouse says hurtful things like this, your whole world seems to turn upside down. So unless you’re ready to end things with your partner, don’t ever think of using this phrase in any argument. In a relationship that’s past the honeymoon phase, there will be many ups and downs, and attractive singles will entice you back into the game.