Breaking up with your husband is a big decision and you will have to consider many things, especially when you already have children. This is not a simple decision. It is important that you consider your current situation and future financial capabilities before officially getting a divorce. But if you are determined, you need to stabilize your emotions and finances as soon as you step out of that marriage.
What to do when you want a divorce?
1. Decide that it’s time to end the marriage.
Decide that it’s time to end the marriage. This is one of your most important and difficult decisions, so you need to be 100% sure that the marriage is really over before taking any further steps. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably already made up your mind, but here are a few reasons why your marriage may be over:
If the two of you are basically disconnected. Means you have your own friends, your own hobbies, don’t spend time together and don’t really know what’s going on in each other’s lives.
If your husband no longer wants to try. If you’ve been constantly bringing up problems in your marriage and your husband promises to change and then doesn’t or flatly refuses, it may be time to leave.
And if you are in an abusive relationship, get out now. There’s no reason to stay in the face of abuse – or endure the pain.
If either or both of you are constantly cheating on each other. If one of you had an affair and then did your best to keep it from happening again – but if it happened many times, the marriage probably couldn’t continue.
2. Consider talking honestly.
If he is empathetic, and if the two of you have always been honest and open with each other, maybe you should talk to him first and decide whether to continue the marriage.
You may be surprised to know that your husband feels the same way you do – or what he can do to not lose you. This doesn’t mean you should let your husband convince you to stay. But if you’re confused and aren’t sure if you can both fix things, talking to him can make a big difference.
3. Keep this decision confidential.
Divorce can be a shaky decision. By keeping quiet, you’ll have more time to prepare before you leave. Only tell a few people who can help and guide you – not to people who don’t know how to keep secrets.
If you don’t want to tell your husband and want to get out of a bad situation, it’s best to keep it a secret so you have time to think about the details. If your husband knows about your plans and doesn’t want you to leave, he may find a way to make it difficult for you to achieve your goals.
1. Set up your own bank account.
This will be difficult for stay-at-home women with no outside income, but the savings will make you more financially stable. Withdrawing money from a joint bank account should be a last resort – you should do so right before you leave.
2. Find a place to stay.
If you move out of the couple’s home, you need to find a new place to live. In some cases, staying with someone else temporarily can help, but you’ll have to find an affordable place in the long run.
If you and your husband have agreed to a divorce and are comfortable enough to talk about it, you can discuss who has to leave the house. If you have children, this question plays an even more important role.
3. Collect important papers.
In the process of living together, you will accumulate a lot of important documents related to houses, cars, retirement plans, and many other areas. If you see a lot of documents that you’re not sure you need, you should back up a copy just in case they’re important.
If you really want to back up everything, hire a professional to back up your family’s hard drive, and even take pictures of important assets. In the future, this will help you in the event that your assets are “dispersed” during a divorce
4. Plan for your children (if you have children).
If you two have children together, it’s best to think about what’s best for them. Do you think your husband is a great (or at least responsible) father to the kids, or do you believe the kids shouldn’t be with him? This will also be one of the biggest decisions you need to make when getting a divorce.
Note that you can’t decide to ban your kids from seeing your dad again just because you don’t want to see him anymore. If you want to completely separate the children from the father, there must be a good reason (for example, alcoholism).
5. Contact a lawyer specializing in the field of marriage and family.
A divorce is often very expensive, even in terms of time, so it’s a good idea to figure this out, especially if you think it’s going to take a long time to get a divorce. Even if you want to save money and handle it yourself, a good lawyer will actually make the divorce process faster and less heartbreaking.
6. Start planning your finances after the divorce.
If the two of you have a good job with a high income, that’s great, but the important thing is how your finances will be after you break up with your husband.
Here are the things you need to consider:
- What new expenses will you have to cover?
- What will you cut?
- How much will childcare costs add (if you have children)?
- How will you earn the necessary income?
7. Do not rely on alimony after divorce.
An allowance or child support will certainly be an income in your future, but it may not be guaranteed.
8. Plan to increase your income.
Once you have the money you need to live, you need to think about whether you have to find ways to increase your income to get it. If you have a well-paying job and a large amount of savings, great – but if you need to find a job and have been at home for a long time, or if you need a better-paying job then you have to find a way to go in that direction.
Here are a few things you can do:
Take classes to help you master the skills you need for the job you want. (improve your computer skills or earn some professional training certificate.)
Buy a new suit so you can go to an interview anytime.
Refine your job application. You don’t have to submit a job application before you leave your husband, but you should be prepared when you need to. When you divorce your husband, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and have no time or mind to update your resume.
When you break up with your husband
1. Luggage arrangement.
You can start by removing small, unobtrusive items, or you can move them all out at once.
You can clean up while your husband is at work. Even though he won’t stop you from leaving, cleaning up while he’s there can probably hurt you more.
You may have told him in advance that you were going, or it would have happened completely out of the blue. Whatever your reason for leaving, it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you – whether it’s an open and honest conversation, or walking away without saying anything.
3. Seek emotional support.
This is not the time to be alone with your worries. When you leave your husband, you need to rely on family, friends, or even a psychotherapist. Unfortunately, not everyone will agree with your plan, and you will lose some friends or family support during this time. Don’t let that put you off, and know that this decision can help you build amazing new friendships.
This will not happen quickly. You will have to recover both emotionally and financially, and it may take several years before you feel independent and in control of your life.
- If you have children, you should keep things as normal as possible. Changing from a full-parent family to a single parent can be a difficult experience; Remember to let your children talk about how they feel.
- Change the passwords of your online accounts.
- Do not argue or be aggressive in front of your child.
- Do not act violently towards your partner. The legal consequences will not help you in the divorce process.
- Do not destroy your husband’s property. He will probably force you to pay for the divorce or sue you.
- Do not stay when abused. There are many organizations that will help women and children get out of dangerous situations. They will also help you find a place to live and work and provide basic supplies to help you start over.
- If possible, don’t rush to get someone new until the separation and divorce process is over.