In our previous post, we talked about signs to look for in yourself that could show that you have fear of commitment. But what if it’s not you, it’s them? Being able to see through your own problems helps you get a better hold of the situation and make necessary changes. But it’s not enough for a committed relationship when the other person also has that same problem.
You need to know where to draw the line and spot the red flags in someone with commitment issues. What you would do about it is entirely up to you and your own situation. You can either open up and have a serious conversation with your partner, or you can decide to walk out and save all the trouble that would eventually entail.
So here are 6 telltale signs that your partner might have a commitment problem.
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Check these 6 signs if you think your partner has commitment issues
1. They don’t want to label things
Now, you are not wrong to think that after several months being together, you’re ready to take the responsibility to the next level. It is common sense that when two people are compatible and are into each other, commitment is what to be expected of.
But unfortunately, it is not something that a person with commitment issues can wrap their head around. They might beat around the bush and give you vague answers. Or they could just say the typical “Why do we have to label things?”.
Just know that it’s not you, it’s them and their fear of commitment.
2. It’s hard for them to open up and share deep thoughts
In a healthy relationship, it is normal for two partners to open up to each other and learn about each other’s vulnerabilities. From childhood stories to future goals, past experiences to life philosophies, these deeper thoughts and emotions have the power to bond like nothing else.
But if your partner has commitment problems, it would not be easy for them to open up. Most of the time, you would find your conversations to be casual and lack substance. There is always a certain level of intimacy or vulnerability lacking between you two.
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3. Making plans in advance is and impossible task for them
When someone is used to flitting relationships, they don’t tend to think far ahead. They know that people regularly come and go from their life. And perhaps because they think the chances of you sticking around until then are low, they can’t be bothered with plans.
It can be a summer trip next year, or even a simple hike at the weekend. No matter what it is, they are reluctant to schedule time together with you in advance.
And if they are asked, they would just give vague answers. You get the feeling that they are waiting for better things to come up so plans with you would just be in the way. Gradually, it gets exceedingly frustrating trying to make any concrete plans with this person for the future.
4. They have several relationships that don’t last
Sure, we all have short flings that were never for the long hall. But it’s concerning when your partner has nothing but those short relationships. A long-term, stable relationship takes effort to maintain, which can’t be too appealing to those with commitment issues.
People who fear commitment often prefer the chase, that lustful honeymoon phase. And as soon as things start to get serious, they hop out and go off pursuing something new. The responsibility and work required for a committed relationship are just too much for them to handle.
It is also a red flag if they often dodge any responsibility for a failed relationship. Yeah, because it’s always somebody else’s fault!
5. When they do talk about the future, their plans don’t involve you
It’s one thing for them to opt out of any future talk at all, but it’s another when they talk about future plans without you in any of them. Whether it’s the trip they’re excited to go on with their friends, or a job in a different city they’re considering applying for, it’s like you don’t exist at all.
Maybe they don’t even think you would last very long. Or maybe they just haven’t given a long-term relationship much thought.
Whatever it is, their refusal to put you in any of their future plans at all show signs of commitment issues.
6. It always takes them forever to respond to your text
If someone is not replying to your text immediately, it’s totally understandable. Perhaps they are just unreachable during working hours. Or they are the type that say no to all screen time before bed. Generally, if you are familiar with the patterns in their responses, you should know what to expect.
But if you feel like they are constantly impossible to reach, especially when you’re in the middle of making plans, then maybe it’s time to bring up the question of commitment fears.
When someone is afraid of committing, poor communication is a good device to maintain a comfortable distance. It takes them forever to answer texts, most times with a mere half hearted response. And they never contact you unless they need something. They just don’t seem to care enough.