It’s hard as it is to be able to find someone to be in a relationship with nowadays, but even if we’re in one, there is no guarantee that the relationship will be a healthy one. At the beginning of infatuation phase, you often overlook bad signs and behaviors that can harm your relationship in the long run. But as time progresses, these behaviors will start to appear more frequently, consuming what had been a great romantic companionship.
The good news is that we can totally avoid that from happening by catching the signs of toxic behaviors. If you want to stay in love in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, there are steps that must be taken and behaviors to avoid. Observing closely your own relationship to spot the bad signs can save you tons of headache and heartache long term.
Here are 7 toxic behaviors that can ruin a relationship, so you know what not to do.
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7 Behaviors That Ruin a Relationship
1. Disregarding their boundaries
In a committed relationship, it is expected that the two partners have to make an effort to trust and connect with one another, and when things go sour, the frequent advice is to forget and forgive. But at times, we see partners taking advantage of this premise of closeness and trust to overstep the other person’s boundaries.
The fused identity that you two have often means that one can put themselves first and ignore the other’s interest. For instance, your boyfriend hates noisy places, but you, as a social butterfly, drag him to parties with your friends anyway. You disregard his boundaries because you can, and take him for granted.
You should remember that you’re both separate individuals with differences. So while it’s important to try to do things with your partner, it’s also crucial that you give them the space and respect that they deserve.
2. Not Loving Them For Who They Are
Love is complicated, sometimes, we fall in love not with the person, but with the ideal version of them we create in our head. We see our partner for who we need them to be instead of who they really are. And this idealized version comes with your own standards, and you get annoyed and angry if they fail to meet those expectations.
Or we may project our fears and insecurities onto them. Due to our closeness with our partner, we can think that it is okay to criticize them constantly and they can just take it all in because they love you. But no one should be subjected to such mistreatment, especially the one you care about. You may have been hurt before and so you carry negative opinions about the person you are with, which is unfair for your current partner.
Whatever the case, it’s not love if that is not the person we are seeing but the visual image we have. You have to see them realistically for who they are.
3. Stuck in Your Old Routine And Not Open to Trying New Things
At the beginning of a relationship, we feel like a whole new world was opened up and everything was new. There are new things we learn from each other, new experiences to enjoy, new routines to adopt.
But it gets stale after a while. When you are with someone constantly for a period of time, all those new routines become, well, routines. You always see a movie on Sunday. You always go for brunch at 9. You always go and see his friends on Friday night. These things get old quickly. It actually hurts the relationship when we stop being free and open to developing new shared interests.
And when things get old, you start to feel bored. You’re not bored of the person in particular, but of the routine itself. And when you are trapped in a bubble, it’s easy to be vexed and annoyed, which may lead to unpleasant circumstances.
To avoid all of this, try adopting new hobbies every once in a while. You can never feel bored when you are out there exploring new things and expanding your world. And it doesn’t have to be something you do together. It’s important to have shared experiences, but you also need to develop yourself as a person, and grow constantly into a colorful individual. This way, you both will have something to surprise the other, keep the other on their toes.
4. Too Much Criticism
Like I’ve said before, sometimes, we are not in love with the person but with the idea of them. It annoys us greatly when they fall short of our expectations. And when it happens, our first reaction is to criticize them. Sure, sometimes the person crosses the line and you have to stand up for yourself by addressing the issue. But other times, it has more to do with you than them.
You should remember that, not only will excess criticism make your partner feel uncomfortable when they are with you, but you will also change the dynamics of your relationship. As a result, they feel unjust but are too afraid to talk back to you. In the long run, this will surely push them over the edge.
5. Lack of communication
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. People are not mind readers. Even if they spend so much time with you, it’s still impossible to figure out what you really want them to do at times.
Being able to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner will not only help you get what you want much faster, but it will also reduce the risk of miscommunication. You shouldn’t criticize your partner excessively, but you should also not bottle everything inside.
Communicating in a manner that is respectful and open for both sides to weigh in is the best way for couples to resolve misunderstandings. When the talk is productive, no one will get hurt.
6. Avoid conflicts at all cost
Whether we like it or not, all couples fight. For some, the conflict might be too extreme and you’re both tired and afraid of what can come out of the fight that you sweep it under the rug. It might seem like a good idea at the time as you no longer have to think about it anymore. But it never really goes away.
Dissatisfaction being kept for too long will eventually snowball into an avalanche. Small conflicts can build up and explode. It’s better to resolve your problems before going to bed, than sleep on it and pretend nothing happened the next day.
But again, it’s important that you respect each other’s opinions and really try to communicate.
7. You’re Too Insecure
Not everybody is out to break your heart. Your ex cheating on you does not mean your current partner will do the same. Sometimes we project our fears and insecurities onto our significant other so much that it stifles them.
Do you ask where they are constantly?
Do you don’t like it when they hang out with their friends?
Do you stalk all the girls they follow on Instagram?
If the answer is yes, then maybe you’re being too insecure, and it will drive them mad.
Everybody needs their own privacy, their own life. You doing all of these things out of insecurity will only drive them away further from you. Respect their boundaries and trust, if you really need to bring it up, communicate with them in a respectful manner.
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